Psychological Projection

What is it and What to do With it

Have you ever experienced having a strong emotional reaction to someone, perhaps someone you don’t even know very well, and felt quite sure about what they were thinking? Or heard yourself saying “No one ever listens” or “Everyone always ignores me”? It’s likely that in such moments you are externalizing your fears and insecurities onto someone else through the phenomenon of psychological projection.

In projection, the strong feeling or reaction you’re having towards someone else turns out to be more about yourself. For instance, you may have a personal insecurity that is discreetly veiled as a judgment about another. As you can imagine, this could make things confusing for yourself and others because you’re essentially accusing someone else of feelings that are actually your own.

It’s difficult to recognize projection, particularly within yourself. To do so requires having some ability to self-reflect and think critically. Familiarizing yourself with the theory of psychological projection and how it functions might help you to recognize when it’s happening, either in yourself or in someone else. In so doing, you might find yourself in less conflict with others and maybe even feel better about yourself.

Understanding Projection and Why it Happens

Initially introduced by Sigmund Freud, projection was described as a psychological defense mechanism used by one’s ego to protect itself from intolerable thoughts and feelings that do not fit into one’s self-concept or image. To unconsciously project that feeling or idea onto someone else enables you to view the other person as the problem, rather than yourself.

The theory of projection has evolved over time to encompass various explanations of psychological projection that are not only defined around negative terms or unwanted feelings. Carl Jung and Marie-Louise von Franz suggested that people project in order to make sense of that which they do not understand; to provide an explanation for and bring a sense of order to the chaos and fear of the unknown. This might apply easily to someone who struggles with fears related to a lack of control.

To be clear, projection is very normal and is nothing to be ashamed of. It has to do with wanting relationships and connection with others. Since you can’t read someone else’s mind, you might unconsciously project your own experiences onto another person in an effort to understand them.

Your brain automatically tries to come up with ways to make sense of ambiguity or the unknown. Projection is just one of the many ways that it tries to do that.

This phenomenon is unconsciously motivated. It might be that you struggle with tolerating the experience of a particular feeling, like anger. Anger is a good example to use because it’s quite common for people to fear and avoid anger. There are multiple reasons for why this may be the case.

Maybe you have an abusive parent who modeled violence when they were angry; or perhaps you come from a family that functions around the denial of anger, making you feel ashamed or wrong when you feel angry. Neither example really allows room for anger to exist without an urge to suppress it, deny it, or…project it onto someone else. If someone else is feeling angry, then you are not the problem.

There are also more benign examples of projection, like if you have an emotional reaction to something that you witness, and you assume that everyone around you feels the same. This may, or may not be accurate, but it’s less about avoidance and more about making assumptions.

Regardless of what the reason is, projecting relieves you of the discomfort of an intolerable internal experience.

At the same time, projection may interfere with communication and cause misunderstandings. A common example of where projection can be destructive is within close relationships where communication, clarity and compromise are goals. This becomes difficult when feelings are disowned, your insecurities or fears are being put onto someone else, or you are reacting to something that isn’t actually even happening.

In order to be honest with yourself and feel comfortable sharing your feelings with a partner, you need to believe that they aren’t going to like you any less for being vulnerable. Not always the easiest thing to do if you struggle with low self-esteem or have trouble trusting others.

How to Work With it

Understanding how you truly feel and why are some of the first steps towards improved communication and making deeper connections. The more attuned you are to your feelings, the less likely you are to project them onto others.

When you find yourself inside of a conflict or some other stressful situation, defensiveness can get activated. Rather than automatically shifting into accusations or self-protectiveness based on what you think is going on, take a pause and try to connect with how you’re feeling. Consider what the other person is saying as a possibility. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right, but you’ll never really know if you’re too busy defending, assuming or accusing.

Talking with a therapist provides an opportunity to explore your feelings and help with increasing your tolerance for difficult emotions. It’s not uncommon for clients to project in the therapy relationship as well. This can be a good opportunity to explore the projection in action with your therapist, and experience acceptance of what is happening in a non-shaming context.

Just remember, it’s not always easy to understand what is going on inside of yourself, let alone inside of others. But if you are willing to try, you will learn interesting things that will enable you to better manage conflict, identify patterns that lead to feeling stuck, and implement lasting change.